Friday, September 19, 2008
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Day 1 Reflections
30 days...Day One started with me already spent: hung over at work from the Bacardi consumed before midnight and the lack of sleep. I was thinking about what vice can replace the drinking and thought of the friends with benefits situation brewing and went forward with organizing my plan of action and now thinking it's not such a great idea. Smoking is already the one vice we agreed to keep - even then I feel like I'm not getting the full experience of sobriety but it's a step. I think even sex and even dating might complicate my goals with having a path towards the positive changes I've been working on this past year. The curse of choice and distractions to indulge into has got me twisted.
I ended the night with Chris and Lindsey waiting for Sugarspun to play over at Edinburgh Castle. The bartender gave me some free water (whoo hooo!) and then told me about cranberry and soda. It was so hard to look at it knowing it's missing vodka. LOL My mouth was so glued to the straw and then reality hits when visions of being tased popped into my head.
I think I may enjoy that a little too much.
I was really getting into the conversations we had - plus I'm infatuated with the socialization part of being in a bar, I just hate to dance with the drinking part. Part of me hates having to reflect and assess choices and re-interpret things people share with me to the point where all meaning is lost. Living more consciously steals from me this tranquil bliss and fluidity of ignorance and being unequivocal when things clash with my perspective. Pain + love = growth
I came back into the house at 1am feeling more energized on a natural high after walking from Edinburgh Castle in the TL back to North Beach. Maybe it was the conversations maybe it's also my head being in all sorts of directions and restoring some balance in my life with other distractions and having to rethink certain ways of how I go about my life and feeling okay that others are in their own process too.
---
Texts before battery died:
"End score. Broncos 41, Raiders 14."
"Congrats on Day 1."
"I lost my bet so I'll be encouraging and helping you accomplish your goal the rest of the way."
I ended the night with Chris and Lindsey waiting for Sugarspun to play over at Edinburgh Castle. The bartender gave me some free water (whoo hooo!) and then told me about cranberry and soda. It was so hard to look at it knowing it's missing vodka. LOL My mouth was so glued to the straw and then reality hits when visions of being tased popped into my head.
I think I may enjoy that a little too much.
I was really getting into the conversations we had - plus I'm infatuated with the socialization part of being in a bar, I just hate to dance with the drinking part. Part of me hates having to reflect and assess choices and re-interpret things people share with me to the point where all meaning is lost. Living more consciously steals from me this tranquil bliss and fluidity of ignorance and being unequivocal when things clash with my perspective. Pain + love = growth
I came back into the house at 1am feeling more energized on a natural high after walking from Edinburgh Castle in the TL back to North Beach. Maybe it was the conversations maybe it's also my head being in all sorts of directions and restoring some balance in my life with other distractions and having to rethink certain ways of how I go about my life and feeling okay that others are in their own process too.
---
Texts before battery died:
"End score. Broncos 41, Raiders 14."
"Congrats on Day 1."
"I lost my bet so I'll be encouraging and helping you accomplish your goal the rest of the way."
Monday, September 8, 2008
Barney called...he wants his dick back!
Nothing like hanging with the family and announce a major challenge to them. They could be your best and worst supporters. Oh, the bets were on and placed. I just gotta focus on eyes on the prize.
FB let me know I had one day (Thanks - really? Wow...and you're pushing it with the slew of texts and photos this morning of alcohol not to mention leaving the bottle of gin on my bed while I slept!)
JB gave me 2 weeks
JN says 3 days
It's not like I hit rock bottom to do this. Heck, coming into the weekend I didn't know I was going to be having my last drinks. Much less get tasered. Twice. Yeah - I did say tasered and check the facebook for a taste - fun times in the V I tell you!
*flashback* There was a time when residual feelings of letting go of an ex made me challenge myself to see how much longer I can be vegan. I kept it up for a couple of months and even through the Holidaysas a free-gan...I only faltered because I was buzzed at Wish and my guyfriends were going to Big Nate's bbq...and soul food is my weakness. I felt like it just wasn't me and although the health benefits were there...I'm too much of a foodie to let go of "intense flavor parties" in my mouth and it was cathartic for me to have that closure and ween off to a point where I felt okay with doing so.
Which brings me to 30-day sobriety challenge...I'm also weening off smoking so I'm trying not to buy a pack but there are times when I do want to restore balance (not cope). Thank the stars above for allowing cigarettes in the challenge. I can totally imagine being good for 3 days and then the craziness gets at me and waking up with scratches on my neck. It's not that I'm letting go of a specific someone or emotional crutches - more so I'm improving on me and being more on top of my game. I'm not going to stop drinking all together but I really need to simmer down a bit and focus on the better life in front of me with surviving school, developing my relationships with others and myself and being more financially free versus strained.
There was an article about a magazine editor who did a 10 day sobriety challenge...I need to find me that. I think the next couple days will be okay...and then Thursday will hit me and I'll be a crazied fiend.
Today is Leeeeeeeeeeeerooooooooy Jenkins and Monday Night Football - Game on bitches coz the Broncos are going down!
FB let me know I had one day (Thanks - really? Wow...and you're pushing it with the slew of texts and photos this morning of alcohol not to mention leaving the bottle of gin on my bed while I slept!)
JB gave me 2 weeks
JN says 3 days
It's not like I hit rock bottom to do this. Heck, coming into the weekend I didn't know I was going to be having my last drinks. Much less get tasered. Twice. Yeah - I did say tasered and check the facebook for a taste - fun times in the V I tell you!
*flashback* There was a time when residual feelings of letting go of an ex made me challenge myself to see how much longer I can be vegan. I kept it up for a couple of months and even through the Holidaysas a free-gan...I only faltered because I was buzzed at Wish and my guyfriends were going to Big Nate's bbq...and soul food is my weakness. I felt like it just wasn't me and although the health benefits were there...I'm too much of a foodie to let go of "intense flavor parties" in my mouth and it was cathartic for me to have that closure and ween off to a point where I felt okay with doing so.
Which brings me to 30-day sobriety challenge...I'm also weening off smoking so I'm trying not to buy a pack but there are times when I do want to restore balance (not cope). Thank the stars above for allowing cigarettes in the challenge. I can totally imagine being good for 3 days and then the craziness gets at me and waking up with scratches on my neck. It's not that I'm letting go of a specific someone or emotional crutches - more so I'm improving on me and being more on top of my game. I'm not going to stop drinking all together but I really need to simmer down a bit and focus on the better life in front of me with surviving school, developing my relationships with others and myself and being more financially free versus strained.
There was an article about a magazine editor who did a 10 day sobriety challenge...I need to find me that. I think the next couple days will be okay...and then Thursday will hit me and I'll be a crazied fiend.
Today is Leeeeeeeeeeeerooooooooy Jenkins and Monday Night Football - Game on bitches coz the Broncos are going down!
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Testes...one...two
Just when I got used to saying things like:
"It's not a bender, it's a lifestyle."
"It's not alcoholism if you're drinking with someone else..."
Norm, Jessica and Rachel are on the 30 day sobriety challenge. With the rise of cigarettes and constant pondering of "Where did my money go and how come I can't afford to take this trip?" and "Is my acid reflux acting up?" came the challenge of all challenges after the best summer of all summers...I bring you the 30 day challenge.
We have enough distractions with school, work and play outside of the bars. Wish us luck...especially me...with 10 days of ingesting a bit of drank and now the challenge, I seem to love my extremes. Go figure...maybe that's why I'm so crazy.
This will be the blog to offer or give updates about what's going on with us and how we're coping with our new found challenge. We also have a page on facebook...email orangetang@livejournal.com to get up on it. Everyone's welcome to also start in on the challenge. It's all about being better people and strengthening the friendship through the good and challenging times. How did I sound preachy all of a sudden? I don't know. I'm sounding like I'm having a conversation with myself. FUCK - withdrawals working against me already!
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference." - back of an 30-day AA chip
GAME ON BITCHES!
"It's not a bender, it's a lifestyle."
"It's not alcoholism if you're drinking with someone else..."
Norm, Jessica and Rachel are on the 30 day sobriety challenge. With the rise of cigarettes and constant pondering of "Where did my money go and how come I can't afford to take this trip?" and "Is my acid reflux acting up?" came the challenge of all challenges after the best summer of all summers...I bring you the 30 day challenge.
We have enough distractions with school, work and play outside of the bars. Wish us luck...especially me...with 10 days of ingesting a bit of drank and now the challenge, I seem to love my extremes. Go figure...maybe that's why I'm so crazy.
This will be the blog to offer or give updates about what's going on with us and how we're coping with our new found challenge. We also have a page on facebook...email orangetang@livejournal.com to get up on it. Everyone's welcome to also start in on the challenge. It's all about being better people and strengthening the friendship through the good and challenging times. How did I sound preachy all of a sudden? I don't know. I'm sounding like I'm having a conversation with myself. FUCK - withdrawals working against me already!
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference." - back of an 30-day AA chip
GAME ON BITCHES!
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